Romance scams: warning signs and how to protect yourself

A romance scam is when someone builds a relationship with you online in order to get money, personal information or intimate images. They can be patient, friendly and convincing. Knowing how they usually work is the best protection.

How a romance scam usually goes

  1. Contact. An attractive profile, a friendly message, lots of attention.
  2. Moving off the site. They soon ask to continue on another messaging app. On the dating site, a profile can be reported and blocked; elsewhere, you're on your own.
  3. Building trust. Daily messages, good morning and good night, shared plans, early talk of love or a future together.
  4. The reason they can't meet. Work abroad, a sick relative, a delayed trip, a broken camera.
  5. The request. Money for an emergency, a ticket, a fee, a lawyer, or a chance to "invest" together.
  6. More requests. If you pay once, there's usually another problem, and another.

Warning signs

  • They ask to move to another app within the first few messages.
  • They say they love you before you've met or even video called.
  • They can never meet or video call, and there's always a reason.
  • Their story has gaps, or details change.
  • They ask for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency, bank transfers or help receiving a payment.
  • They show you how much they make trading or investing and offer to teach you. This "investment" pattern is very common.
  • They ask you to keep the relationship secret from friends or family.
  • They ask for intimate photos or push you into a sexual video call early.

For profile-level signs, see how to spot a fake dating profile.

Intimate images and sextortion

Some scammers don't want money from a love story. They want intimate photos or a recording of a video call, and then threaten to send it to your friends, family or employer unless you pay. This is called sextortion.

  • Before: Don't send intimate photos or join intimate video calls with someone you haven't met and don't know well. Anything you send can be saved, and a video call can be recorded without you knowing.
  • If it happens: Don't pay. Paying rarely ends it; it usually leads to more demands.
  • Stop contact, but don't delete the messages first. Take screenshots of the threats, the profile and any payment details they gave.
  • Report and block the profile here, and report the account on any other app they used.
  • Contact the police. Sextortion is a crime in many places. You are the victim, not the one in trouble.
  • Tell someone you trust. It feels embarrassing, but you don't have to deal with it alone.

Anyone under 18 involved in this should tell a trusted adult and the police straight away. This site is for adults only.

How to protect yourself

  • Never send money to someone you've only met online, however real the story feels.
  • Keep the conversation on the dating site until you have met or at least video called.
  • Video call before you get attached. A short call says more than weeks of messages.
  • Talk to a friend. Scammers prefer secrecy. Someone outside the situation often sees the problem quickly.
  • Search their photos with a reverse image search.
  • Don't share ID documents, bank details or passwords.

If you've already sent money

  1. Stop sending more, whatever they say.
  2. Contact your bank or payment provider straight away. Sometimes payments can be stopped or traced if you're quick.
  3. Report it to the police. Keep screenshots, usernames, phone numbers and payment receipts.
  4. Report and block the profile here. Choose the reason that fits best; the report is saved with the profile.
  5. Be careful of anyone who later offers to "recover" your money for a fee. That is often a second scam.

If someone blocks you or disappears

Sometimes a person you've been talking to blocks you or simply stops replying. If they've blocked you here, their profile shows as not available and you can't message them. That's their choice, and it's best to respect it. Don't try to reach them through other accounts or apps.

If someone disappears right after you refused to send money or photos, that's a sign you avoided a scam. If they come back with a new story or a new account, report it.

In an emergency

If you feel threatened, someone says they're coming to your home, or you're in danger, contact your local emergency services or police right away. Don't wait to deal with it through the dating site.

FAQ

Does the site check every report?

Reports are saved with the profile. It's not promised that each one is reviewed, so always protect yourself too: stop contact and block.

I feel stupid for falling for it. Should I still report?

Yes. These scams are run by people who do this every day. Reporting helps, and you're far from the only one.

Can I get my money back?

Sometimes, if you act quickly with your bank. Often not. Report it anyway, and avoid paying anyone who promises recovery.

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