First date ideas in a big city

A good first date is short, public and easy to leave. Big cities make this simple: there's always somewhere to sit, walk or eat. The aim is to talk and find out if you'd like a second date, not to impress.

What makes a good first date

  • Public. Somewhere with other people around.
  • Short. An hour or two. If it goes well, you can stay longer or meet again.
  • Easy to talk. Not too loud, not a film where you sit in silence.
  • Cheap or simple. Nobody should feel pressure about money.
  • Easy to get to and leave. Near public transport or where taxis are easy to find.

Ideas

Coffee or tea

The classic for a reason. Low cost, quiet enough to talk, and naturally short. Pick a café you know, so you're not searching for it while nervous.

A walk in a park or along a river

Walking side by side takes pressure off eye contact, and there's always something to comment on. Choose a busy route in daylight.

A food market or street food area

Lots to look at, lots to share, and you can eat as much or as little as you like. Good if you're both curious about food.

A museum or gallery

Gives you something to talk about straight away. Many have a café for afterwards. Some cities have free entry days.

Dessert instead of dinner

Shorter and cheaper than a full meal, and still feels like a treat.

A bookshop or record shop

Browse together, then get a drink nearby. You learn a lot from what someone picks up.

A class or workshop

Cooking, pottery, a language exchange. Better as a second date, but works for a first if you both like doing more than talking.

A viewpoint or rooftop café

Many big cities have a public viewpoint or a café with a view. Go early in the evening.

What to avoid on a first date

  • Your home or theirs. Not until you know each other.
  • Somewhere far away or hard to leave. A boat trip, a day trip, a drive out of town.
  • Very loud bars or clubs. You won't be able to talk.
  • Expensive dinners. They create pressure about who pays and how long you stay.
  • Long evenings with lots of alcohol.

Practical tips

  • Agree the place and time in writing in your messages, so there's no confusion.
  • Get there on your own and plan how you'll get home.
  • Tell a friend where you'll be. See online dating safety.
  • Check traffic. In big cities a short distance can take a long time. Pick somewhere roughly between you.
  • Have a backup if the café is full or it rains.
  • Decide about paying beforehand. Splitting is normal in many places. If you're unsure, offer to pay your share.

If you're new to the city

Ask your date to suggest a favourite place. People usually enjoy showing off a spot they like, and you learn something about them. Just make sure it's public and that you can get home easily. More in dating in a foreign country.

After the date

If you'd like to meet again, say so in a short message. If you wouldn't, a polite "Thanks for meeting, I don't think we're a match, but good luck" is kinder than disappearing. If the other person doesn't reply, let it go.

FAQ

How long should a first date be?

An hour or two is plenty. Leaving while it's going well is better than staying too long.

Who should choose the place?

Either person. If one of you knows the area better, they can suggest a few options and the other picks.

Is it okay to cancel?

Yes, if you tell them early and politely. If you feel unsafe about meeting, you don't need to explain.

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